Hi guys. So I’m sick in bed today and Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke popped into my head, which I’m morally against but god damn is it catchy. So I decided I’d try to take the lyrics and tweak them to make them more “yeah, we want to have wild sex!” and less “I assume consent based on my interpretation of you signals because my interpretation must be correct and has never led to rape.” Without further ado, here it is (tweaks are bolder for faster reading):
[Intro: Pharrell]
Everybody get up
Everybody get up
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
[Verse 1: Robin Thicke]
If you can’t hear what I’m trying to say
If you can’t read from the same page
Maybe I’m going deaf,
Maybe I’m going blind
Maybe I’m out of my mind
[Pharell:] Everybody get up
[Pre-chorus: Robin Thicke]
OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you
But you’re an animal, said that it’s in your nature
Please let me liberate you
Hey, hey, hey
You don’t need no papers
Hey, hey, hey
We are not your makers
[Chorus: Robin Thicke]
And that’s why I’m gon’ take a good girl
I know you want it
You said you want it
So I know you want it
You’re a good girl
Can’t let it get past me
You’re far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
So say you want it
Only if you want it
So I know you want it
And you’re a good girl
The way you grab me
Might wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me
[Pharell:] Everybody get up
[Verse 2: Robin Thicke]
What do they make dreams for
When you got them jeans on
What do we need steam for
You the hottest woman in here
I feel so lucky
Hey, hey, hey
If you wanna hug me
Hey, hey, hey
What rhymes with hug me?
Hey, hey, hey
[Pre-chorus: Robin Thicke]
OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you
But you’re an animal, said that it’s in your nature
Please let me liberate you
Hey, hey, hey
You don’t need no papers
Hey, hey, hey
We are not your makers
[Chorus: Robin Thicke]
And that’s why I’m gon’ take a good girl
I know you want it
You said you want it
So I know you want it
You’re a good girl
Can’t let it get past me
You’re far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
So say you want it
Only if you want it
So I know you want it
And you’re a good girl
The way you grab me
Might wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me
[Verse 3: T.I.]
One thing I ask of you
Let me be the one you back that ass to
Go, from Malibu, to Paris, boo
Yeah, I had a woman, she ain’t bad as you
So hit me up when you passing through
I’ll give you something big enough to give you pleasure, boo
Swag on, even when you dress casual
I mean it’s almost unbearable
In a hundred years not dare, would I
Pull a Pharside let you pass me by
Nothing like your last guy, he too square for you
He don’t do that dirty stuff that you say you do
So I just watch and wait for you to salute
But you didn’t pick
Not many women can refuse this swagger
I’m a nice guy, but don’t get it if you get with me
[Bridge: Robin Thicke]
Shake the vibe, get down, get up
Do it like that mirth, like that mirth
What, you don’t like work?
[Pre-chorus: Robin Thicke]
Baby can you breathe? I got this from Jamaica
It always works for me, Dakota to Decatur, uh huh
No more pretending
Hey, hey, hey
Cause now you winning
Hey, hey, hey
Here’s our beginning
[Chorus: Robin Thicke]
I always wanted a good girl
(Pharell: Everybody get up)
I know you want it
You said you want it
So I know you want it
You’re a good girl
Can’t let it get past me
You’re far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
So say you want it
Only if you want it
So I know you want it
But you’re a good girl
The way you grab me
Might wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me
[Outro: Pharrell]
Everybody get up
Everybody get up
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
See, isn’t that much nicer? No? Well I’m feverish so cut me some slack. There’s only so much I can do to make the world more Rosanna-ey.
The Conversation Tree 